Drugs can not just change you on the inside but on the outside just as quickly.
I will never forget (as much as I try) the first hit. I was never perfect, I was far from it. I however did know right from worng but this time for some reason the wrong seemed so right. I was depressed and I allowed my depression take over this time, just once I told myself and that’s it. My demons on the other hand had a different plan for me. They dug deep to the point I lost all control and surrender to them. I was now their slave and had to keep feeding their hunger. I was no longer me, I was now one of them.
I would go days with no sleep and not eating, I didn’t have time to sleep my demons needed me to stay awake and take care of them and I didn’t need to eat because I had to feed them. It was no longer about me and my needs.
On three different occasions they got greedy and needed more then my body could handle, they took everything from me and I slowly started to drift away. I could feel death upon me it almost seemed like a blessing at the time. I would no longer have to be a slave to these things. I would be free.
But I came back and I said no more this is not going to happen to me again, I’m taking my life back. Well that lasted only a few short hours. They were back and coming at me full speed. The hits were bigger and my tolerance got stonger, I had to take more just to not feel the pain anymore. My arms were brusied, it was getting harder to hide the marks but it didn’t matter anymore (is what I thought). I could see the way people looked at me when I went out, I thought I looked like I did before. I was wrong. One night I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror (probably the first time in weeks), and just stood there and stared at the girl looking back at me. Who was she? That can’t really be me.. is it? I looked like I crawled out from hell. I looked almost like the walking dead. Where did that girl go?, the one that always looked happy and glowing. She was gone..and may not be coming back. Of course seeing myself wasting away like this, I ran straight for the needle. I needed to escape the thoughts of what I just saw. I then looked down at my arms, I couldn’t take my eyes off them. What was I doing? Killing myself.
On July 30th 2015 at 11pm I took my last and final hit, I broke into my last vain. I set my self free. I was free from the demons, the demons also known as Cocaine.
Addiction can and will ruin your life and only YOU can stop your demons from taking over your ife. They will linger in the background just waiting for a chance to get you again, but fight back with all you got and allow god to take control if you can’t do it on your own.
Andrea – wrote at 73 days substance free