I spent most of my life addicted to drugs and alcohol. I am 29 years old and I am six and a half years clean. I was addicted to drugs for 10 years; habitual non stop everyday substance abuser. There was nothing in the world that was more important to me or that even really existed for me with importance or priority. I never knew I was addicted; i believed I was making a choice to use drugs but that was obviously a lie. In my life time, I have overdosed twice; once on ecstasy and once on methamphetamine. The first time overdosing; I truly thought I was going to die because I was in so much pain and I was so sick; I just knew that I was not going to make it if I didn’t go to the hospital. The second time I overdosed; I knew that I had crossed the line and pushed this game to far; the game I was playing was Russian roulette and I was clearly playing with God. I remember I ripped the cross that was around my neck and prayed to God for one more chance; ironically he gave it to me. I do not know why God gave me that second chance but I was grateful he did and was sober the next day. I have been clean now, like i said, for six and a half years and I do not plan on ever using drugs or alcohol ever again in my life. I have gained so much from being sober and I could never risk all I have gained for the one thing that stopped me from gaining in the first place.
I suffered from severe mental illness in my life; I have suffered from a borderline personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, agoraphobia, social anxiety, OCD, depersonalization and derealization, Stockholm syndrome, substance abuse disorder and depression. My life story is quite miraculous and displays resiliency to the finest degree; I have not only survived my own birth to this world and everything following it but I have thrived as well. My traumas are not discussed here but just know without that; I do not think I would be here today writing this to you. I never once in my whole entire life knew what I was looking for in this journey called life but I knew that when I did find whatever I was looking for ; I would know that I in fact found it. I fought with nothing but a mere dangling piece of hope; hope that whispered to me that if I kept digging despite all the pain and hurt, I would be set free.
Today; I am six and a half years clean, a police foundations graduate and I am currently becoming a psychologist. I have spent seven years in various long and short term therapy programs to recover. The various therapies I have done are; CBT, DBT, EMDR, Bioenergetics, Psychotherapy, and various recovery groups such as NA and AA. I have many years of experience to offer people who are in the same position I am in and this is why I am writing to you and for you; if you can get anything from my story to better your life in anyway, I will not die in vain and my suffering will not be for nothing.
Good luck and never give up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fight and do not give up because I swear if you do; you will make it to where I am. Have faith in yourself and do not be influenced by anything other then inner strength and recovery. I am here with you and know; you are worth every ounce of sweat and blood. XOXOXO